The Journey to Self Love - Comparison
So you sit there scrolling. You follow some of the women who you admire the most. They have amazing lives, wonderful relationships and you think they are the most beautiful people on the planet. The pictures are idyllic and they are showing a perfect life that most of the population would aspire to. And how is that making you feel? If you are not feeling inspired, if you’re coming away feeling as if there are things missing from your life then you are probably comparing and that is really not a good place to be.
Comparison is one of the biggest symptoms that you are lacking in self confidence, self worth and self love. And you need to STOP! I know that’s easier said than done but for your own sake and for the sake of those around you, it’s important that you do. Will this stop you having all these negative thoughts about yourself? No, probably not...like I said, it’s a symptom and not the reason for those thoughts. How do I know this? Because if you truly loved yourself, you wouldn’t be comparing in the first place. When you stop measuring yourself against someone else you start to become in touch with the real causes of these adverse emotions and that’s where the work really starts. Here’s another reason why I know this is the case. One of my best friends is one of the most beautiful women you could ever meet, both inside and outside. She has the most magnetic personality and people respond to her as soon as she walks into the room, even though she is completely unaware of it. When we first started hanging out together I wasn’t in the best place emotionally and I would compare myself to her all the time. Why aren’t men attracted to me the same way they are to her? Why can’t I look that good in a bikini? I was flat out jealous. And that’s not the best basis for a friendship. Part of my journey was to really stop myself comparing myself to her or to anyone else so I could get to the root of what was really causing these adverse feelings about myself.
The main thing to do here is to begin to become aware of your thoughts. And here is where the meditation comes in. Don’t try and eradicate your thoughts during meditation especially at the beginning, just be aware of them and then release them. Check out any of my meditations on instagram (@unfoldingthelotusmeditation) and they will show you exactly how to do this. If you practice this every day being aware of your thoughts becomes second nature and you will do it without even realising it. The second step is then to change your thoughts from a negative to a positive. Instead of ‘Why can’t have a life like that?’ change it! ‘I have so many things in my life to be grateful for’ for example. It might seem a little strange to do that at the beginning, but again soon it will become second nature to you. On Monday (Aug 10th) I will be taking you through a very powerful meditation on Instagram that will help you identify the feelings that these thoughts evoke and to realise that it is your thoughts that create your feelings and if you change your thoughts you change your feelings too. I know it’s a bit of a kick in the balls when you’ve spent your whole life lamenting about how you can’t help how you feel. But don’t feel bad...it took me 47 years to work it out.
And if you really have trouble stopping those feelings popping up every time you scroll social media, stop following those accounts that trigger you until you are in a better place emotionally. Make your social media feed a positive place that doesn’t end up making you feel like shit.
Since implementing this practice, my relationship with my friend has become stronger and a lot healthier. Instead of dismissing her when she has a day when she feels unattractive like I used to, now we talk about it and get to the root of what’s bugging her. Do I get jealous when I notice people staring at her? Nope, now I’m proud to be friends with such an amazing woman who brings laughter and joy to my life every day. That’s why I say, this isn’t just for your own sake, but also for the sake of those around you too.